Good Morning All;


Thought I would wait a few day till I wrote again to see about who might come and check out my blog. However no one has come, I have just one follower and I do believe that is just me lol! I know this is a touchy and uncomfortable subject. Just think how I feel being led to stand up and be silent no more eh? But if my mixed up crazy feelings being put down in print make just one young lady think twice or even please God, change her mind, then I have not suffered in vain right? Who the hell wants to suffer alone and in silence? I already tried that and let me just tell you right away it didnt work either! I went to church, found God, "although I am sure he never knew he was lost", and I sat in those pews. I went to weekly Bible study, I prayed every day and read his word. But I had this secret sin tucked deep in my heart. Not presenting it to God right away gave satan a huge foot hold in my life! Everytime I heard,learned or read about Jesus and his great love for the children, I just knew I had done the unthinkable. Even the unforgiveable right? Surely I have gone too far and he just cant forgive me now. Not for what I have done. I am a murderer after all, I took a life each time I aborted a pregnancy. There must be certain lines Christ just wont let you cross right? Wrong, when I finally humbled myself before my God and found my knees, his reply to me was what took you so long my beloved. He called me his beloved? I had learned by this time that there was just one unforgiveable sin and that is blasphmey. Abortion is not the unforgiveable sin.

Bear With Me, New at this...

The Lord allowed me to run from my "choice" for a very long time. Then I got to face it, I can only be greatful to Him for not allowing me to face what I had done alone! It has taken me many years of inner healing and bible studies, and prayers and talks with God to be able to forgive myself and be able to move on to Living instead of just surviving after abortions. Yes I had four. Then he trusted me enough to bless me with two of the most beautiful girls in the whole world! I have now raised them to adult hood. I am a strong christian woman who does her level best to walk in Love and stick close to God's word. I truly thought abortion could not touch me ever again in any way shape or mode. I got even a little high and mighty even maybe? Several months ago one of my daughters called with the news that she was pregnant. I was over joyed, no she isn't married, neither of my girls are yet. But to me a child is reason for celebration no matter who its parents are, God had to breath life into the child! We had several long scary talks and I really thought she was keeping the child, but then the dreaded call came. I hadn't heard from her in about a week when I started trying to call and getting nothing but the voice mail, this went on for another week so I began to worry. Finally she called me and she was very angry, telling me it was done and over and she never wanted to speak of it. And that she would call me back when she had more time to talk. The devastation was complete. The Enemy, Satan had attacked and indeed it looked as though he had won. I cried for days and I begged God to explain it to me? All I got was; "free will my beloved", from him? I HATE FREE WILL!! My husband knew I was beside myself with grief, not just for my lost grand child but for the after math my own daughter would one day have to face. Tom said to me one evening when I was especially down. Satan hasn't won, that child is in heaven with Jesus! It stopped me in my tracks, took me back to a page in my journals. God had promised me years ago that Christ himself comes for each and every aborted baby. So truly that did mean that each and every one of them go with him to heaven! For that I am thankful! But that didn't stop the anger I had to go through at Satan for going after one of mine, then I thought wow I mean I was simply trusted with my daughter, she is borrowed from him right? Mine here but only for a time. I am so very sorry that she has chosen to make the wrong choice as I did. I even hate to call it a choice, because to me now, the choice is in the sex and that's between the parents. The BABY has nothing to do with that! I know many will lamb baste me for being such a pro lifer , please know I am this way not simply because of my Religious beliefs but rather because of the horrible, horrible scars and nightmares and after math that my own abortions left behind. I was so broken and empty and never ever before or since so utterly ALONE, as when I walked the walk of shame out the clinic doors each time. Christ forgave me, but it took literally years for me to forgive myself. To the very point that in my journals you will find God repeatedly saying to me, I have thrown that into the sea of forgetfulness but yet u still bring it back to me over and over again, when will u have paid enough? I know now that it falls under HIS GRACE department and man am I glad that is a huge department. cuz I sure used it a lot! Grace is never earned or deserved it cannot be... It is just freely given by God.